Pubic Catastrophising

I have a theory that the reason women are (anecdotally) becoming more predatory in seeking out sexual encounters is because it’s now against the law to have pubic hair.

Ok, maybe not actually against the law, but among young Western humans it seems to have become more or less standard to find hair in the female nether regions pretty repulsive. Cherry Healey (on her programme about body hair) asked a bunch of males whether they would prefer to break their foot or have sex with a female with pubes and they chose the former option. That’s pretty compelling evidence that women may feel obliged to pre-pubertify their privates if they’re hoping to have some normal human relations at some point.

And therein lies the rub. (Oh, horrible phrase – sorry!) Hair removal down there is not something that you can just do in 2 minutes in the shower with a Bic razor like you can with legs and underarms and a little bit of your bikini line for swimming costume purposes. No indeed. If you feel obliged to sport the whole pre-pubescent look in order not to repulse the delicate male of your sinful dreams, it’ll set you back anything from £20-£30 a go (possibly more if you live somewhere more sophisticated than I do). And you’ll need to take time out of your busy day to go and reveal your most personal parts to a stranger with an NVQ in Beauty at least once every few weeks.

But even if you can afford that without qualms, the problems don’t stop there. Human skin doesn’t remain baby’s bum soft and hair free until the next wax. Oh no. No such luck. You start getting itchy re-growth fairly shortly after the wax-based humilation, and after a few more days there is very definite, uncomfortable and unattractive stubble. But you can’t go for another wax until the hair is actually long enough for the wax to grip onto. And if you try to shave, you get an inferior finish and delay the day when you can go for a more efficient wax… can you see the problem here? Basically, you can only have a socially acceptable pubic region about twice a month at best.

The itchy after-effects of hair removal

The itchy after-effects of hair removal

So, that’s why I reckon girls have (theoretically) started to be more forceful in their mating activities. If you’ve paid £25 to make yourself acceptable to a male who thinks women are made of sugar and spice and all things plastic – and you only have one day every few weeks in optimum mateworthy condition – you are damn well going to want value for money. You are going to go out and pull yourself a breeder and nothing is going to get in your way. It’s the modern human equivalent of being on heat, only briefer. And it totally undermines one of the chief benefits of being a female human as opposed to say, a dog or an elk – the fact that biologically we can mate at any time of the year – not just when we’re on heat. All of a sudden, thanks to pube-fear, we can’t.

I am convinced that the fashion for porn-based pube regions must ironically lead to less sex not more. Boys won’t have sex with girls with hair, girls can only be hairless twice a month at the most. So twice a month it is. Sounds pretty rubbish to me.

Not only that… how does it bode for long-term relationships? What about when you’ve been together with your loved one for a few years; you’re both working full time to pay your mortgage and you’ve got a couple of small children? What happens when you no longer have the time/money/energy to go and have your follicles abused? What happens when you no longer feel sexy because you’re a hairy freak and your loved one passes out in horror at the sight of your humanity? Will you both have to go and be hypnotised to be able to tolerate your hideousness?  Will you have to attend sex therapy to explain how human bodies actually look? Will sex stop altogether? Will partnerships dissolve and families disintegrate through the horror of the pube? Will the human race die out?

I call for a PUBIC REVIVAL. Before it’s too late.


About throbbingsofnoontide

Bewildered human. Female. Looking for the next entertaining thing. I write a blog to share the bewilderment. It's here:
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29 Responses to Pubic Catastrophising

  1. Sick, sick. We are enabling a generation of pedophiles!! Gag! When he gets waxed, then we’ll talk. What about post-wax irritation? Reduces matability window even further.. Furry or forget it, pal.

  2. paul says:

    the pornography and fashion industries, like any image lead industry, is predominately, and very unfortunately run by men. Men who see fit, in their position of power, to stamp their thoughts and desires on it. and we follow their lead with indoctrinated unquestioning. But not all of us wish to follow the majority. Yes it is true that we are all drip fed these thoughts and desires to the point we might feel odd to be the odd ones out, but is it not time to strike out and claim back our hairiness? In my experience there’s always going to be a rogue hair that will get caught in one’s teeth, whether we, or our intimate parther, see fit to wax/shave/flypaper their way to baldness? Embrace our hairiness and reclaim the genital winter warmer as a good thing.

    • Caitlin Moran said something along the lines of… ‘I’d defend it to the death if it was simply a matter of the occasional person’s kinkiness, but the problem is when it becomes an obligation.” (she will have put it much better than I did). Because girls are feeling they HAVE to do it, it becomes political. The politics of the pube. Ha.

      • paul says:

        that’s why it’s the right thing to stand up to the industries and media that dictate their view of we ‘have to do’, and say we have to don’t! Hail the Hairy Mary, Dick and Harry 😎

  3. Ooh this is a bit below the belt….sorry, couldn’t resist 🙂

    But on a more serious note, yes we should all rise up and revolt! I bought my 18yr old niece to How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran. Admittedly I haven’t read the whole of it – I think I gorged myself enough in the 80’s on every feminist bible there was – but I liked the few bits I read and I wanted her to know that there was another perspective – I talk to her about these issues and she seems to like it. Older women must try to help our younger sisters to stand up to the drivel thats pedalled out to them on a daily basis.

    • GOOD idea getting her to read How to be a Woman. Moran is excellent because she’s humorous and undogmatic and just a human being. Her husband has the best definition of ‘Feminism’ I’ve ever seen…

  4. Cecil says:

    I feel there is some connection between young girl’s pubes and young men’s beards but I haven’t been able to put my finger on it yet.


  5. S says:

    While I totally agree that it has become the “norm” to shave (everywhere) to appear acceptable, I do know plenty of males and females who don’t mind or actually prefer pubic hair. Personally I have never gotten a wax (down there) and never ever will. I don’t think it’s necessary. If I ever want to be “bare” I shave, and it really doesn’t take more than about 15/20 minutes in the shower, and you don’t get the agony of waxing. Also, I think my only concern with pubic hair is if someone is to go down on me, or if I were to go down on a woman, I certainly wouldn’t want a mouth full of pubic hair.. It is just kind of gross to have hair in your mouth in any situation. So I think sometimes shaving is done more out of a courtesy rather than an aesthetic thing. At least that’s how I see it. I personally do not mind being shaved or unshaved, either way is okay with me. Although I can do without the after shave itching.

    • Where things are a personal preference, it’s of course all fine.

      It just seems a bit tragic that so many young girls are so worried about seeming ‘gross’ that they feel obliged to do this on a regular basis (I don’t think it’s quite so possible to use shaving to get totally nude if you’re a girl).

      I once found myself in a class of girls aged from about 18-20 talking about the pube situation (it’s amazing what you can end up talking about in English lessons at college) and all of them worried about this topic. All of them felt worried about getting intimate with someone who finds them disgusting and sort of scared to reveal themselves, or felt obliged to invest a significant amount of effort and money in making sure nobody would ever vom at the sight of their bodies.

      The only girl in the class who felt OK about the whole thing was a beautiful girl who’d been with the same boyfriend forever and was fiercely independently minded. She was never going to shave and her boyfriend was fine with it. When I told them that nobody thought about removing pubes when I was their age they couldn’t believe it (and I’m assuming oral sex wasn’t a recent invention). They had no sense of it historically as a choice or a fashion – they thought it was just part of the compulsory kerfuffle of growing up and suddenly having to control your body to be socially acceptable.

      That seems very sad.

  6. brissiemaz says:

    Thanks for being so up-front about the issue! As an older woman I am absolutely appalled by the idea that pubic hair is a no-no. Are we all mad?! It seems typical of today and our obsession with sex.
    How about we take the time, money and effort we save by NOT exfoliating and donate them to those in need in our local community. Mow someone’s lawn instead of your pubes. Give someone enough money for a meal instead of worrying about what your boyfriend does or doesn’t want to eat!
    If they don’t like hair they can go elsewhere!.

    • I’m sure that if everyone refused to remove their hair then partners would change their ideas eventually. Presumably we’d prefer to tolerate a bit of hair than the possibility of no sex at all. I hope…

  7. Interesting discussion. Where I work such a discussion would never take place. Young girls would never dicuss that in front of a teacher. There is an ongoing discussion in certain magazines though, but I really don’t know if there is such a great problem with this here up north. But – maybe it’s beyond my knowings.

    For example, my own daughter is a total rebel and refuses to shave her legs. She says she was born that way, (which is almost correct…) and then, this is the way we are meant to be. It has a natural explanation. She never wears make up either. Many of her friends have got the same views on this. They have all attended the nature program and are now studying to become doctors or dentists.

    In my opinion I think they are strong and independent and go for what they believe in. But, I’m not so happy about seeing her legs though… I try hard not to say something about them. She is not without boyfriends…

    • Spouse pointed out that when we were young there were loads of girls who did that. In the circle we were in it would have seem quite amusing and a bit stupid if people shaved their legs. It was seen as a political act to do what your daughter is doing. It’s difficult, then, to see the requirement for total hairlessness in this country as anything other than a regressive step, although I do try to understand. I suppose it must come from America. You must be proud of your daughter and her friends.

  8. Immensely proud I am, but obviously influenced by magazines (don’t read any though…), and media when I look at her gorilla (I don’t mean that…)legs on the beach…

  9. This is such a great post! We’ve gone completely bonkers in this country (the U.S.). They just keep finding more shit to distract women with – take our money, our common sense, and apparently any sense of priority – maybe we won’t ask why old white men are discussing birth control or we make so much less. This was a great post, but now I’m going to be stomping about in a huff the rest of the day…

  10. Hannah says:

    Without delving too deep and being too personal i can only assume that although you hold these opinions , you regularly remove your body hair regardless of the fact that you are in a long term relationship yourself(from what i have gathered from previous posts, apologies if i’m wrong)?? not a dig at you. i feel the same way. i still feel a duty and i have been married for ten years. im a hypocrite 😦 great post!! your blog is the best……

    • Yes, I do feel obliged to carry out the minimum usual hair removal of the Western female although it’s entirely my own brainwashing that makes me do it. I married a man whose formative years were in the late 70s and early 80s and the women he knew in those days didn’t shave for Feminist reasons and that was what he expected. He thinks it’s weird and unnecessary to shave your legs, but I do it anyway. Fortunately for me I am too old for the pube-removing fashion to affect me properly. Another reason to be delighted I’m not a young person.

      Glad you like the blog!

  11. fur_admirer says:

    “Cherry Healey (on her programme about body hair) asked a bunch of males whether they would prefer to break their foot or have sex with a female with pubes and they chose the former option.”

    Man that’s weird, I actually found this article while I was searching for photos of women’s pubic hair. Does that make me odd?

    • It depends what you mean by odd..! : )

    • paul says:

      I’m sorry, dear Fur Admirer, i find it almost impossible to believe that all the said men would genuinly prefer to break thir foot than deal with a Lady Forest. It, without actually seeing it, must be a case of journalistic sensationalism. Perhaps i am to far removed from fashion to be so mindlessly indoctranated into such a folly

      • It could be journalistic sensationalism, or just that they interviewed very young men who’ve been brought up with images of hairless humans. Mostly, I reckon it’s just what you’re used to. But if you’re someone who doesn’t engage with the media at all (like my spouse), then it seems freakish and weird to be scared of hair. So you’re probably right!

  12. Pingback: Caitlin Moran’s Pubes. | throbbingsofnoontide

  13. mrcharly says:

    If I want to have sex with someone, I want to have sex with an adult. Adults have pubic hair. Children don’t. It’s one of the defining differences.

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